By The Time You Read this
by LovingSeleneTheVamp
Summary: Emma writes a letter to Regina, explaining why she's leaving her. SwanQueen
1. By The Time You Read This & How We Met

A little editing. Chapter one and two have been combined!

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"Dear Regina,

By the time you read this, I'll be gone. I'd always hoped that it wouldn't come to this. I love you so much, but we could never work out. There's too much between us. There's too many complications in my life. You always thought you could make me stay, but I'm a runner. So here I am, running. I didn't want to give you any of the typical lines. The, "It's not you, it' me." The "I just can't be loved." Or any of the other bullshit people sell each other to ease the pain. Because that's all that is. A load of cliché bull shit that people give each other to hide the fact that people suck. That they do shitty things to each other. I never wanted to hurt you, and I never wanted to give you any more shit, because I know what you've been through. I know you've suffered. I don't want you to suffer over me. I don't want you to feel the pain that this will probably bring you. The problem here is me. It is my fault. There are things I never told you, and I haven't been able to get the words quite right. You don't know things I've done in my life. You don't know who I was before we met, and I was always afraid you would find out.

I'm looking at you now, as I sit here writing this letter, this goodbye letter to you. You had too much to drink last night. That's not normal for you, you know, but I had to make sure that you wouldn't wake up while I said goodbye. I couldn't bear it. You look so peaceful right now. In the daytime you're a fearsome woman. But right now, when I stop and look up, you're so peaceful. You're still beautiful; you're always beautiful. But looking at you, in this peaceful moment, I almost can't go. But then I remember that I have to. I just wanted to leave you this, something to remember me by. Because I have every intention of being unreachable. I know how to find people, so I know how the best of them hide themselves. Just, as you read this, know that you're perfect. You were everything I wanted and more, and I never want you to forget that.

The day we met will be forever burned into my mind. There's something about having your life forever changed that stays with you. I won't pretend that meeting you changed me immediately. The earth didn't shake. My breath wasn't gone from my body. In fact, you insulted me. I'm sure you remember. And in case you don't, let me remind you. I never meant to be in Storybrooke. Storybrooke right? What kind of place is named Storybrooke? I was lost. I don't know if we ever talked about how I ended up here, which is weird. I mean, the one wrong turn that changed my life, and we never discussed it. We should have talked about it, just so you would know. There's so much you didn't know.

That day, the first day in August, as a matter of fact, I was supposed to be on my way to apprehend a guy that had skipped out on his bail. I'd tracked his email account and knew that he'd be about thirty miles from this small town you live in. I'd driven five hours to apprehend him, and right outside of Storybrooke my GPS quit. My cell phone wouldn't pick up Google Maps, so I'd pulled over for directions. The first place in town that looked inhabited by people was this little diner, Granny's. Sometimes when you're a bailbonds person there's competition. This guy, James, a real jackass if I'd ever met one, was competing for my bounty. I hadn't had a minute to spare, so I'd literally ran into Granny's. And into you.

You were leaving Granny's with a coffee, or hot chocolate, or something like that. It didn't matter what it used to be, because after we met it was nothing but a mess. That hot coffee spilled all down the front of my shirt, and I leapt back from you, holding the scalding shirt off of my stomach and gasping in pain. Do you remember what you said while I stood there squealing in pain like a child? You said, "I'd apologize, if it wasn't for the fact that that was so blatantly your own fault. Did your mother never teach you any manners?" I didn't answer you, because I was being burned to death by your scalding hot coffee/hot chocolate. Ruby, though I didn't know that was her name at the time, came running over with a wet towel to try and help me get the burning liquid off. She covered me with, 'Oh my goodness's' and 'Are you ok's' until I couldn't stand it anymore. But I was busy watching you leave. Because who does things like that? Who talks to people like that about things that are clearly accidents? So I did the only logical thing. I said to Ruby, "Who was that woman?"

She looked up from my shirt, which was clearly ruined, and answered me, thinly veiled disgust in her voice. "Oh. That's Mayor Mills. Don't take it personal, she treats everybody like that. You get used to it." She looked back down at my shirt. "That coffee was really hot. Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I placed one hand on my stomach, and immediately knew I wasn't fine. The skin was hot to the touch, and my face must have grimaced in pain, because Ruby wasn't buying it for a second. "Dr. Whale!" She called. "Can you come here?" Whale had come over, dressed in plain clothes but still wearing all the authority of a surgeon. "What's up Ruby?"

"This woman…uh…" She looked at me, and I'd had no option but to give her my name. "Emma." "Emma got burned by Mayor Mills' drink."

"Well…" Whale checked his watch. "I mean, I'm off at the hospital for the next few hours." He'd looked me up and down, and my skin crawled. "I'll just look at it for free." He'd gently taken my wrist. My arm had been burned a little too. He turned it left and right. "Well that's not too bad." He touched it gently. "Did that hurt?"

I yanked my arm back, pissed. "Yeah that hurt, I just got burned!"

"Good. I'd be more worried if it didn't hurt. It's just a first degree burn, you'll be fine. This is easily fixed. I'd say get some burn cream, go take a cool shower, and put a bandage over it. No worries."

"I don't have time for this! I'm in a hurry!" As if to punctuate that sentence my phone rang. I snapped it open. "Swan."

"Oh hey Emma. Guess who?" The smug voice of James was on the line, and I knew what he was going to say. "Someone wants to say hi. Say hey Killian!" He yelled to someone in the back ground. An angry voice shouted, 'Let me go you swine!' James laughed. "Just letting you know you're too late, as usual. Have a nice night Swan!" He hung up before I had a chance to reply. I looked at the doctor and Ruby who were still in front of me.

"Well, it looks like I suddenly have lots of time. Is there a place I can get a shower?"

Ruby looked ecstatic. "Yes! Me and my Granny run an Inn. You can rent a room there overnight!"

"Overnight?" I'd had no intention of staying here overnight, but as I thought about it I'd realized how late it was getting anyways. And with nowhere to hurry to, I might as well stay.

"Yeah. I'll take you to the inn and get you checked in. First let's go to the drugstore and get you a burn cream. You'll need it after your shower." Ruby and I went to the drugstore, I grabbed my overnight bag from my car, and I checked into the Inn. There was no wireless internet, the tv was old school, and the bathroom tub had claws. It was like being blasted ten years into the past. Late that night, while I was lying in bed, seething over losing to James again, I'd thought of the hateful look on your face, Regina. My anger burned brighter, and I was determined to raise hell the next morning."

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Honestly, by the time I finish this story it could be condensed into one long story, but I want to make sure people care before I devote too much time into the whole thing. So let me know if it's worth continuing!


	2. Raising Hell

"I woke up early the next morning, ready to take you on. I remember storming into your office looking for you.

"I'm here to see the Mayor." I demanded of some poor woman who looked like she'd been beaten down for years. Her desk tag said, 'SECRETARY AURORA CAMPBELL'. I looked right at her and knew why she looked so worn down. I imagined working for you was the worst job she could have ended up with.

"Do you have an appointment?" She asked me as if she already knew the answer, and I hadn't liked that.

"I do now." I said, walking around her to the door labeled Mayor.

"You can't go in there!"

I grabbed the door, throwing it open. Aurora rushed in behind me, "I'm sorry Mayor Mills, I couldn't stop her!"

You didn't look up from your desk, where you were writing on some papers. "No, I expect you couldn't. I'll deal with you later Aurora." Aurora's shoulders sagged, and she left the room. I almost felt bad, but then you said, "How can I help you Miss Swan? It seems you've learned absolutely no manners in the time since I've seen you."

I looked at you in shock. You still didn't look up, and your name tag stared at me, almost accusing. 'MAYOR REGINA MILLS.' "How did you know my name?"

You finally set your pen down then, bestowing me with a look that clearly said you thought you were better than me. "I take interest in rude strangers that come crashing into my town. Your ugly yellow bug was parked in plain sight, so tracing you from there was simple. You're a bounty hunter, which is odd, seeing as you were once a criminal. Your bug has a suspicious past itself, you've had seven residences in just as many years, you're unattached, no husband, no children. Why is that?"

You clearly enjoyed blindsiding me. "If anyone is a rude stranger, it's you. You ran right into me, burning me with your coffee. Even common courtesy dictates an apology."

"Oh, does it? I'm waiting."

I sputtered, sure that you were kidding. "You expect me to apologize? Really? Not gonna happen."

"Well then I'm not sure why you're wasting my time. I'm very busy. So if you would be so kind as to get out."

I walked closer to your desk, putting my hands flat on it, on top of some of your papers. "You don't look busy, with all the time you have to research strangers that you steamroll in diners. You seem to have all the time in the world to be as rude as possible."

You stood up, looking at my hands on your papers. You walked around your desk, putting your face close to mine. "I don't know who you think you are-"

"I'm Emma Swan remember, or have you already forgotten?"

You breathed out angrily, reminding me of a bull preparing to charge. "You have no right to be here. You are in my town. You are on my turf. If you think you can come into my office and cause trouble over something that was your fault, you are sorely mistaken."

I turned sideways, closing the gap between us until there was an inch or so between our faces. "You might be the Mayor, but this isn't your town." I moved my hand a bit, knocking over your coffee so that it spilled across the desk. "Oops."

Do you remember how you seethed? I don't think I've ever in my life angered someone so quickly. I was thrilled and terrified when you said, "Miss Swan, you have no idea what I'm capable of."

"Frankly, I don't care." I said, turning around and walking out. At the doorway I said, "Have a nice day, Madame Mayor," as sarcastically as possible. I passed Aurora's desk, murmuring, "She's gonna be really angry today," just as you shouted, "Aurora get in here now!" I shrugged, walking smugly out of the town hall. Who could have known the path we had started on then? I didn't know, and I doubt you did either.

Sometimes I wish that I had just left town when I woke up that morning. And most times, like now, I'm really glad I didn't. I love you, even considering the way we started this tumultuous path. Now that I'm really putting time into thinking about this, I wonder what you did that day after I left. I have a vague idea, but I don't actually know. I left your office with that smirk on my face, and when I stepped out onto the street the whole town looked brighter. There was something about feeling like I'd bested the biggest, baddest, bitch in town that made me feel accomplished. I promise I don't think you're a bitch now, but then that would have been the first word I'd have used to describe you. You were so standoffish, I had to put you in your place. Well, I thought I'd put you in your place. I wasn't even close to right. I knew this could easily turn into fight, so I went back to Granny's Diner.

"Hey Granny."

"Miss Swan good morning, did you sleep ok?"

"I slept great. Listen, I'd like to stay another few days. Would that be alright?"

"Alright, that would be great? If you stay for a week I'll give you a discount."

I looked out the window where I could see a Sheriff's car drive by. "That sounds great."

She clapped an excited clap. "I'm ecstatic. When the diner closes either Ruby or I will be back to the Inn to set it all up."

"Sounds great." I looked at the menu. "So what's good here?"

A woman slid into a chair next to me at the counter. "Everything."

I turned to look at her. She had short hair and was wearing layers of clothing. She had a sweater on with a turtleneck underneath, and a long almost floor length skirt. To be honest, she looked like a grade school teacher. "Oh? Everything, really?"

"Granny makes the best of everything. That's why we all keep coming back. Well, that and the fact that there's really nowhere else to go to grab a quick bite to eat." Granny snorted at the woman, tapping the counter good naturedly and walking away. The woman smiled at Granny's back. "I'm Mary Margaret."

"Nice to meet you Mary Margaret." I offered her a hand, which she shook.

"What brings you here?"

"Is everyone in town this curious?"

"Well, we never get strangers. And when it's rumored that a particular stranger practically ran over the Mayor on her way into town, everyone gets curious."

"Wow." I shook my head. "I don't think I like the flow of information in small towns." A tow truck rolled slowly by Granny's large window. I watched it absentmindedly.

"It can be very…taxing, to say the least. So how did Regina react to you running into her?"

"Much like I imagine she reacts to everything else that displeases her."

"Oh, some days you're the bug and some day you're the windshield."

"Right."

"And if Mayor Mills is involved, you're the tragic car accident on the side of the road."

I snorted. "Exactly." Now Regina, you might be reading this and getting angry, but don't this was weeks ago, and you've mellowed out. So has everyone's attitude towards you. "Today I went into her office and 'accidentally' spilled her coffee across her desk. She was less than pleased."

Mary Margaret sipped her tea. "You might regret that. Mayor Mills is a very powerful woman."

"You sound like you know from experience."

"I teach her son, Henry." I remember laughing when she said that. I knew she had to be a teacher. "Once I didn't let Henry leave for lunch because he needed to finish a project. I received the full wrath of the Mayor that day, including a threat on my job. It happens."

"Yeah well, I'm not afraid of her." Granny set a plate of grilled cheese, fries, and a pickle in front of me.

"It's on the house."

"Thank you." I smiled. I already liked this town, minus one aspect of it. I turned back to Mary Margaret. "There's nothing she can do to me anyways. I don't even live here." I started to eat the grilled cheese.

"Don't be so sure. Isn't that your car?"

I looked back out the window, and sure enough, my bug was attached to the back of the tow truck, which was pulling away. "Shit!" I ran out to the street, but I was already too late. I watched my car disappear around the corner, while at the same time cursing your name.

"What were you saying about her not being able to do anything to you?"

I looked at Mary Margaret. "Oh, it's on."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm gonna finish lunch, then I'm gonna go give the Mayor a piece of my mind."

"Well, I have to get back to school before my students finish lunch. Let me know how it goes! Don't get arrested!" She hurried off, and I ate the rest of my lunch seething.

When I walked into the Mayor's office again Aurora stood up to ward me off, but you spoke first. "Don't worry Aurora, I've been expecting her." I walked into your office, where you sat completely composed. In my fury I was almost oblivious to your beauty. Almost.

"You had my car towed?"

"You seem to have been illegally parked."

"I was parked between two other cars. Mine was the only one parked illegally?"

"We only have one tow truck Miss Swan. Only one car can be towed at a time."

I growled. "Where do I go to get it back?"

"Well typically, you would go to the impound."

"Typically?"

The smirk on your face grew. "I say typically because it's Friday. On Fridays the impound closes at noon. It appears to be twelve thirty." I swore. "Don't worry Miss Swan, the impound will be open again on Monday."

"What is your problem?"

You laughed. "I don't have a problem, Miss Swan. Do you?"

"Not at all." I looked at your ring finger, taking a wild stab into the dark. "You aren't married, are you?"

"No, I'm not."

"I'm not surprised." I watched the smirk fall from your face, and I felt like I'd won a small battle in the beginning of the war. Now that I know why you never married I wish I'd never made that comment. I'm sorry about that, by the way. It was a low blow, even at the time. . I hope you remember the fighting we did that first day. It seems so childish to me now. I left your office, not knowing what would happen that weekend."


	3. Gold Mines

So this chapter comes off of an idea from the first season, but I played it out completely differently. Hope you like it!

And i must say, there is nothing I hate more than grammatical errors. So if you read this chapter before I edited it, my apologies.

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"I remember waking up that Saturday morning and lying in my bed, wondering what I'd do with my day. I didn't have my car, so choices were limited to town. I wandered around town that morning, lost and unwilling to admit it. So I walked around aimlessly, hoping that at some point I'd end up at Granny's. By midafternoon I was incredibly frustrated, and on the verge of asking the next stranger I met how to get back to the middle of town. Thankfully, I ended up at the Sheriff's station where there was a flurry of I knew there was something wrong. Not only was most of the town there, but you looked tougher than usual, as if you were trying to hard to remain composed. Sheriff Graham was handing out assignments to people, telling them where they should be. I pushed my way through the crowd, curious. Ruby's was the first familiar face I came across, and she was clinging to Mary Margaret, who looked to be on the verge of tears.

"Mary Margaret? What's going on?"

"Emma! Henry's missing."

"Henry? The Mayor's kid?" She nodded. "What happened? Where was he last seen?" I didn't know Henry at the time, but finding people is what I do. When someone's lost, I am prepared to find them. I know you think I only find criminals, but occasionally a family hire me to find their loved one. And a missing boy? As much as I hated you, I couldn't let a child suffer for that.

"He went out to play early this morning and never came back. That's all I know." I said thanks…or actually, maybe I didn't. I don't know. I began elbowing my way through the crowd, getting to the front where the sheriff was. "Sheriff?" He looked up, not recognizing me. But of course he didn't. He didn't know me then. "Hi, I'm Emma Swan."

He looked away again as someone else tried to get his attention. "Nice to meet you Miss Swan, now isn't the time. We're looking for a child."

"I know, I know. I'm a bounty hunter."

"I assure you, there is no bounty on him."

Regina pushed through to the Sheriff. "Miss Swan, we don't have time for this. My son is missing." Even in what must have been sheer terror, you still looked put together. I know now that you were masking your fear, but at the time I thought you were absolutely heartless.

"I know. I'm here to help."

You scoffed at me. "And why would you want to help me?"

"I'm adopted. I know what it's like to be a lost child. I would never let another one feel lost if I could help it."

You contemplated me for a moment. "You want to help Henry?" I nodded. "Ok. How do you suppose we begin?"

I turned to the Sheriff. "What do we know?"

"This morning while Regina was working in her home office Henry said he was going outside to play. That was six hours ago. Regina assumed he would be in the yard, but when she looked out the window he wasn't there. She called us immediately. That was three hours ago. We've been scouring the streets for him, and nothing. I'm Graham by the way."

I shook his hand. "Does Henry have a cell phone?"

"Of course not. He's ten." You couldn't help but snap at me, and I snapped back.

"Well if he had a cell phone, we could track his location." You looked taken aback, and I tried to calm myself down. "Did he say anything this morning when he was leaving? Maybe mention anything that could give us a clue?"

"Nothing."

"Did you see what he was wearing?"

"No…" You looked about ready to cry. "I didn't even look up at him. I was busy writing financial reports. I just told him to be good and not stay out too long." You shook her head, like you were denying an unsaid accusation. "What kind of mother am I? What if I never see him again?" I patted you on the arm hesitantly, afraid you'd slap me away or something.

"It's not your fault. He's a kid. He's probably just curious." An idea struck me then. "Can I see Henry's room?"

"I guess so…do you think it will help?"

"It could." I turned to Graham. "We're gonna go look around Henry's room. We'll call you if we find anything." I looked at you. Do you remember how I smiled a bit? I guess it was a poor time for a joke, but I said, "Your car or mine?" You didn't laugh at all, just turned and started walking quickly towards your car. I had to hurry to catch up with you, and I chastised myself for thinking that was the time to be funny. You unlocked your car without saying anything, and we drove to your house in silence. I was shocked when we pulled up to it. Apparently being a mayor has it's benefits, because your house is huge. It's beautiful, and very grand for this small town. But I didn't say anything then, just followed you to the front door, and then inside.

"This is Henry's room." You said, waving your arm. I walked in, looking around. For a kid's room it was incredibly organized, and I'm willing to bet that has everything to do with you. I turned slowly around the room, looking for things that seemed out of place. "Does Henry have a bookbag?"

"Of course he does."

"Where is it?"

You looked around. "It's usually on the back of his computer chair." There was nothing hanging on his computer chair, so I kept looking around. "Have there been any problems at home?" In my experience a child leaving with a book bag is carrying something heavy, or a lot of something. Those kids are usually running away.

It was like you read my mind. "Henry isn't running away. He's happy. _We're_ happy."

My eyes fell into the bottom of Henry's closet, where his shoes were organized in pairs. There was a pair missing. I pointed at them and asked you, "What shoes are usually here?" You had to think about it for a moment, but you knew the answer. "His hiking boots." I did the math in my head. A backpack and hiking boots could mean anything. This town's surrounded by woods. There was an empty battery container on top of Henry's dresser. I picked it up. "What does he have that he'd need batteries for?" You thought about that too and started to rattle names off of things. "His Gameboy, his tv remote, his flashlight, his keyboard, anything."

"His flashlight? Where is that?" You opened the drawer to his bedside table. It was empty.

I sat down at his computer. "Where could he be going that he'd need a flashlight in broad daylight?"

You sighed, frustrated. "Anywhere Miss Swan. The woods are thick in some places. If he's lost out there, we should be looking for him. The forest is huge in this part of the state.

I moved the mouse on Henry's computer. It was password protected. "What's Henry's birthday?" You told me and I entered it. It wasn't right. "What's your birthday?" You told me that, and I entered it. The lock screen went away, showing his desktop, a full picture of the two of you.

"His password is my birthday?"

I didn't answer, but you didn't really need me to, did you? I simply nodded absentmindedly as I opened Henry's browser. The last place he'd been was a Google search on how to find gold in mines. "Is there a mine around town?"

"It's right on the outskirts of town. It's been abandoned for years. It's almost three miles from here. You think Henry's there?"

"I do. Call Graham and tell him to meet us at the mine. Tell him to send a firetruck and an ambulance, just in case."

"Just in case?"

"You're the Mayor, aren't you? Don't you have that kind of power?"

You scowled at me, but you pulled your phone out and followed me to the front door anyways. "Graham. We know where Henry is."

When we pulled up to the front of the mine I remember the look on your face. I don't remember why I was looking at you and not the mine. In truth, I was already feeling something towards you. At the time it felt like concern for Henry, but I have to admit, a part of it was all about you. Even on a Saturday you were wearing a power suit, as if at any moment you might be called into a council meeting. Your white button down was covered by a black vest, and tucked into your black pants, ending in typical high heels. Your face contorted in pain and fear as you took in what you were seeing at the mine. The front of it was collapsed, the wood and rocks completely covering the exit. We rushed out and ran to it, you slipping a bit in your heels. We tried to pull some of the rubble out of the way, but it couldn't be done. The wall was thick, and anywhere I could see through was dark as night. "Call Graham back. We're gonna need some heavy machinery out here."

The rest of the town was assembled within the hour. We had a dynamite crew, the old head of the mine, bulldozers and dump trucks, hoping to gather some of the debris and move it away. The problem was, no one knew where to begin. "It's hard to know what parts of the mine are safe." Leroy, the old head of the mine, growled. "They closed it down because it's so unstable. Going in there now would be suicide."

"My son's in there!" You shouted. "I will go in there myself if you're afraid."

"I didn't say I was _afraid_, Madame Mayor. What I'm saying is it will be difficult."

"But can it be done?" I'd asked. "Can we get in there?"

"I'd say our best bet would be to blow the rubble from the front entrance and hope the rest of it holds." Leroy shrugged.

"Hope? Hope!? You want me to hope that the mine holds while you blow the entrance up?"

"Do you have a better suggestion?" Leroy challenged. "Because I'm more than willing to hear it."

"Are there any other entrances?" You asked.

"Oh jeez, why didn't I think of that? I can't believe I forgot about the mysterious second entrance!" Leroy was as sassy as you, and I was a little worried you two were gonna fight over it. I walked away, letting everyone fight over how they were going to proceed. There had to be a better way to do things. There was a dog barking somewhere. I looked for the place the sound was coming from. A Dalmatian was sitting in the passenger side of an old model car, trying to claw his way out through the window. I ran to it. "Who's dog is this!?" I shouted. "Who's dog is this!?" I yelled louder.

A well dressed man with a thinning hairline came up. It was Archie. I know you know Archie, and after that day, you'll never forget his dog. "Pongo is mine. Is he bothering you?"

"No. I want to let him out. I think he can help."

"Alright…" Archie opened the door, and Pongo went tearing out, running around the mine. He sniffed the ground. It seemed he was looking for something. He found it, and started digging through a thick tangle of weeks. I dropped down onto my knees, helping him rip them up. The weeds covered a small metal grate over a hole in the ground. "Leroy? What is this?"

He came over, looking down into it. "It's an airshaft. It probably covers one of the mine elevators."

"Let me see your flashlight." He handed me a maglite. I turned it on, pointing it down the hole. It was so deep I couldn't see anything. I called down into it, and there was no response. My voice was drowned out by loud noises by the entrance of the mine. "What are they doing over there?"

"They're wiring it up to blow it open. It's the only way we can get in there."

I shook my head. There had to be a safer way. "Are there more of these?"

"Yeah, they're all over. Let me get the map." We walked around, pacing out the length of the mine, looking into each air shaft. They all appeared empty. But something bothered me. You stood there and watched them wire up the mine entrance, but something kept irritating me, like a fact I was forgetting. And then I looked at Pongo, who was digging at the same air shaft again. There must have been a reason. The fire chief called out, "Everyone clear out!" And everyone began backing away, but I stopped them.

"Wait! Don't blow it open yet!"

You looked at me, incredulous. "Do you have a better idea?"

"Yeah, I think I do. Do you have a megaphone?"

You brought me one, sure I was wasting your time. I took it to where Pongo was digging again, and I looked down into the shaft. I still couldn't see anything, but I pointed the megaphone downwards. "Henry, can you hear me?" I pressed my ear to the open air and waited. I thought I heard something, but I wasn't sure. "Henry, do me a favor. If you're in the elevator, turn your flashlight up towards me." I looked down, but it took a second, and then I saw it. A weak beam of light pointing upwards. "He's down there!" I pointed the megaphone back down. "Henry, we're gonna come get you!" I pat Pongo. "Good job Pongo, good job boy!" You almost collapsed out of relief, but you instantly were back in charge.

"We need to remove this grate. Is there any way to widen this hole?"

"Widening the hole would threaten the integrity of the entire elevator shaft. We can't do it."

You looked dismayed. "We need to thread a wire down there. Do we have a cable that long?"

"There's the emergency cable from the fire truck." A fireman said, and two of them began threading the coiled cable free from the truck as another man extended the ladder until it hung over the hole.

"Do you have a harness in there as well?"

"Yes maam." One of them replied. Even in that moment I was astounded at the respect you commanded from your townspeople.

"Who's gonna go down there?" Graham finally spoke. It was as if you in your fire had commanded the titles of Mayor and Sheriff and he was just remembering his place. "It's too small for most of us."

Everyone looked around. It was true. The hole was small enough that none of the men would probably be able to fit down there, let alone come back up with Henry. "I'll do it." I said withut thinking.

"No, Miss Swan, I will do it. He's my son." It was like you couldn't help but argue with me every step of the way.

"No offense Madame Mayor, but I've spent the last ten years of my life chasing bad guys. That takes a lot of physical work. You've spent it behind a desk. I can do this. I will get him back to you."

"She's right Regina." Graham reassured you in his heavy accent. "We should let her do it."

You didn't look at me. I couldn't tell what you were feeling right then, but you remained silent as they put me in the harness and explained how to repel down the wall if at any time I was too close to it. They hooked a spotlight onto the harness along with a flashlight, and attached a second harness. I would have to hook Henry into it, and they would haul us both straight up. They wouldn't be able to hear me once I was at the bottom of the shaft, so I should tug on the cord twice once I was at the elevator, and three times once I had Henry safely in the harness. You stayed quiet a little bit longer, until I was hooked up and ready with one leg over each side of the small hole. Then you came closer to me and said, "Miss Swan, please bring him back to me." The worry was etched into your face, and as dangerous as I knew what I was doing was, I had to reassure you.

"I will." I looked down into the nauseating darkness.

"And Miss Swan?"

I looked back up. "Yeah?"

"Be careful." I offered you a small smile, and then nodded to the men. They all had thick gloves on and were guiding the cable through the ladder of the fire truck so it was directly over the center of the hole. I pulled my legs in, making myself as small as possible so I could fit through, and began my descent. The moment the darkness enveloped me was terrifying. All I could see at any given moment was the small patch of wall in front of me that the spotlight kept illuminated. It felt like I was descending for ten minutes. I got more and more anxious, until I finally grabbed the Maglite hooked to me and pointed it downwards. I could see something brown below me, but nothing inside it was moving. "Henry?" I called, hoping he could hear me. He didn't answer, but he pointed his flashlight up at me. "It's ok Henry, I'm almost there." It was a few more minutes before my feet finally touched the top of the elevator. It creaked under my weight and I tugged twice on the cord, letting the crew know I was there. Henry was lying on the bottom of the elevator, curled in the fetal position. I pointed my flashlight at him. "Hey Henry, you ok?" He nodded. "Look Henry, my name's Emma. Your mom sent me to help you." He didn't respond. "Henry, I'm gonna need you to stand up, and I'm gonna pull you up here. Can you do that?" He nodded again and got to his feet. "Are you hurt at all?" He shook his head. "Henry, is something wrong?"

He looked up at me, ashamed. Regina, if you had seen his face right then, you would have cried. "The elevator got stuck, and then it fell, and I wet myself." When he said that, I almost laughed, I was so relieved. I'd been so worried, so sure something was incredibly wrong, but he wet himself, and that was what he was worried about. I smiled at him. "You know what Henry, we are so happy you're ok, that no one's even gonna notice." The elevator jerked a bit, and we lost a few inches. He looked at me, terror on his face. "Henry, I need you to reach up right now." There was a hatch on the elevator, and I opened it, reaching down and pulling Henry up by his arms. The elevator jerked again, and I pulled him up as quickly as I could. It jerked one more time, and I knew it was gonna collapse under my weight. "Henry, I need you to wrap your arms around me right now as tight as you can. Don't let go!" As soon as he had a solid grip on me the elevator collapsed, crashing to the ground below us, shattering with his book bag and his flashlight in it. I breathed a small sigh of relief. A second longer, and I would have lost him, Regina. I told you it was a piece of cake, but it wasn't. He almost didn't make it. I kept those thoughts of terror from my mind, and while Henry held me tightly around the middle I pulled his harness up, awkwardly working his legs into it. He didn't let go of his death grip on me, even when I told him it was safe. I realized I had no way to tug on the cord, so I had to bounce up and down a few times, much to Henry's dismay. But you guys got the signal, and you started hauling us up. He kept his arms around me the whole time, terrified that I was gonna let go or that we were gonna fall. The trip up was less nerve wracking than the trip down, and by the time we reached the opening I was no longer panicking. Graham and Leroy reached down for Henry, getting a good grip on him. I unhooked him, and he wouldn't let go of me. "Henry, it's ok, you're safe."

"They're gonna see." Graham looked at me, a question in his eyes.

"Do you have a blanket ready? Henry needs to be covered up immediately." Graham, bless his heart, understood.

"Get a blanket over here!" They hurried over with one, and Graham grabbed Henry again.

"Henry," I whispered to him. "No one's gonna see. No one's gonna know. Now let's get you safe.

"You promise?"

"I promise." He nodded, then let go of me. They hauled him up and barely got the blanket around him before he was in your arms. They pulled me up right after, pulling me away from the hole and out of the harness.

"What were you thinking!?" You chastised him loudly. "I was so scared!"

"I'm sorry mom, I wanted an adventure…"

You roughly wiped away a tear. "No more adventures without me by your side. "You hear me?"

"You're always busy!"

"I won't be anymore. I will make time for you Henry. Always." He nodded, then said something to you we couldn't hear. "What?" you asked him.

"I need a new bookbag." Was his response, and we all laughed heartily.

A man came over, holding a camera. "Can I get a picture of you all, Sheriff, Mayor, Henry and um…" He paused.

"Emma. Emma Swan." I told him.

"Can I get a picture? I'm gonna write an article for the paper about this. This is news!"

So we all gathered together, Graham, you, Henry, between us wrapped in his blanket, and me. We both had our arms protectively around Henry's shoulders, and your hand was just gently touching mine, but I felt as excited as I had in that air shaft, with my heart hammering in my throat. The man snapped a few pictures, said thank you and walked away, gathering more of the story from different witnesses. A paramedic came up to check out Henry, insisting he go to the hospital to get checked out. You started to walk away with them, then turned back hesitantly. "Um..Miss Swan?" You said, in that tone that I was starting to get so used to. I looked up at you, offering a half0hearted smile. I never knew what to expect from you. "Um…thank you. So much." You paused again. "Would you um…like to have dinner with Henry and I…as a thank you?"

I smiled fully. "I would love that. Thank you."

"Ok. We'll have dinner at eight. It'll be a bit late, but after today's events, I hope you understand."

"Of course. That'll be great."

You started to walk away again, and then turned around once more, as if you'd thought of something else. "Oh, and Miss Swan?"

"Yeah?"

"Your car will be waiting for you outside the Inn." You turned and left, not waiting for my response, and Graham walked up next to me.

"Just so you know, that's as close to an, 'I'm sorry' as you're ever gonna get from Regina."

I looked at him and laughed. After everything that had happened so far that day, I found that comment hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing until there were tears in my eyes. Graham looked at me like I'd lost it, so I simply said, "You know what, I'll take it." Graham dropped me off at Granny's, where I collapsed onto my bed, completely at a loss for words about what had happened that day. Eventually I got up, showered, and ready to head to your house for dinner. I told myself that I wanted to make sure Henry was ok after the day' events, but really, I just wanted to see you. I just wanted to see you Regina, and to this day that feeling has never gone away."

* * *

More to come soon, I promise!


	4. Dinner At Eight, Breakfast At Nine

Sorry for the shorter chapter, but I needed to break this one up here. Enjoy!

* * *

"I remember how anxious I was before that dinner. I honestly have no idea what you were thinking when you invited me over. I mean, yes, you wanted to thank me. I get that. But I don't know what kind of hopes you had, what you expected, what you wanted. Maybe you just wanted to have a nice casual conversation, seeing as we'd only been biting at each other's throats since we met. I wasn't sure what I'd expected either, but I was nervous. My heart was beating hard, and my palms were sweating a bit too. I also didn't know what to wear, so I settled on casual. I wore my best pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and my red leather jacket. Let's be honest though: I'd only packed one week's worth of clothes, and there were no elegant dresses or two piece suits included. So there I was driving my bug, which had been exactly where you'd said, over to your house for dinner. I found the way surprisingly easily, considering I'd only been there once. I pulled into your driveway, parking outside your garage and walking slowly to the front door. Thankfully, I'd stopped and bought a bottle of expensive champagne at the one store in town that supplied alcohol. I wasn't sure if I needed to do that, but it seemed polite, so I had to do it.

I took a few calming breaths before I knocked. You answered the door so quickly, I was almost positive that you'd been standing on the other side, just waiting to answer it. "Miss Swan, I'm glad you could make it. Please come in." The tone you took with me was different than any one you'd used before. I guess saving a child's life can change attitudes towards you. I'll have to keep that in mind in my future. I stepped into your house with that bottle of wine, unsure of what to expect. I offered it to you.

"I don't often get invited to dinner, so I wasn't really sure if I should bring something or not. The guy in the store said this wine was good so…" I trailed off, awkwardly handing it to you. You took it, examining it. "He would only say this wine is good because he's never had my cider. Wait until you try it, it's the best in town. This wine is perfect for dinner though. May I take your jacket?" I shrugged out of my jacket and handed it to you. You hung it up and turned back to me. "I hope you like steaks. I'm making Henry's favorite meal, considering what happened today." Your smile wavered for a minute, then it was write back in place. "He likes steak, broccoli, mashed potatoes and ice cream with apple pie, so I made all of that."

"That's perfect." I hadn't had a home cooked meal in a long time, so I honestly would have probably said yes to home cooked Brussels sprouts. You didn't know what a treat you were giving me just then, but I was excited.

"I have to go into the kitchen to check on the steak." You turned and walked into the kitchen, and I followed you, glimpsing Henry sitting on the couch watching TV in the living room. "Henry?" you called to him. "Will you come set the table?"

"Aw mom."

"I can do it." I was eager to not just stand there and watch you. The way you moved around your kitchen, or anywhere really, was mesmerizing.

"Are you sure? You're a guest."

"Yeah, no problem."

"Well, ok." You pointed out the locations of things. "Plates are there, silverware there, and glasses up in that cupboard there. Get two wine glasses for us and a regular glass for Henry." The dining room was adjacent to the kitchen, so I carried everything over and set it up. Henry walked around into dining room where it met the living room and watched me from the doorway.

"The fork goes on the other side. You have it mixed up with the spoon."

I laughed. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Let me show you." He showed me how the place setting went, and I adjusted the other two accordingly.

"Thanks. Don't tell your mom."

"Don't tell his mom what?" You asked, carrying in a serving bowl.

"Oh nothing. Emma just doesn't know how to set a table." Henry smirked, amused at having sold me out.

"Thanks kid."

"No problem." He stuck his tongue out at me behind your back, and I did it back. I hope you know Regina, Henry has a great sense of humor. I love him too.

"The table looks fine to me."

Henry opened his mouth to sell me out again, and I pointed at him threateningly, shaking my head. He made a 'lock it and throw away the key' motion, and I smiled at him. He really is too funny. You went back into the kitchen to get the steaks, and Henry went into the fridge to get his drink and the wine bottle. You poured our drinks, and when everything was done you took the seat at the head of the table, and Henry and I took seats on either side of you. "Alright everybody, dig in."

For the first few minutes the meal was mostly full of the sounds of everyone getting the food they wanted on their plate. Then I took a bite of the steak. "This is amazing. How do you make this?"

"Secret family recipe. I'm not sharing."

I shook my head, unsurprised. I looked up at Henry, who was very carefully chewing with his mouth closed. "So Henry, how do you feel? You know you're gonna be in the paper tomorrow?"

"No I'm not. _We're_ gonna be in the paper tomorrow. All of us! It's gonna be so cool." He smiled conspiratorially. "I bet we get the front page!"

"Henry…" you said in a warning voice. "What did we talk about today?"

He sighed. "We talked about how what I did was very dangerous. I almost got myself and Miss Swan killed, and you almost died too from a fearful heart attack."

"So…?" You prompted him.

"So I will never do anything like that again as long as I live."

"Or…"

"Or you will make sure I don't live that long."

"Exactly." I laughed, and you smiled at him proudly. "But yes Henry, I am pretty sure we will all be on the front page of the paper tomorrow." I sipped my wine, trying not to laugh at the show you two were putting on. "So Miss Swan, I see you got your car back."

"Yeah, thanks for that. So did you have to pull some strings to get the tow truck driver to work on Saturday?"

You smiled over your wine glass before you took a sip. "It wasn't much trouble for Billy at all. His apartment is over the building in the impound."

I shook my head. "Of course he does."

"Mom can I get pie and ice cream now!?" Henry had hurried through his dinner, eager to get dessert.

"Wait until Miss Swan and I finish eating and I'll get it out of the oven for you." Henry sat impatiently at the table as we finished eating. I found his antics endearing. The minute you set down your fork he launched out of his chair and into the kitchen. I gathered my plate and his as you carried your own into the kitchen. We set them in the sink and I took out a fresh stack of plates. You put the pie and ice cream on each one. It felt incredibly domestic. I had no idea how to feel.

"Mom can I eat dinner in the living room?"

"Have I ever let you eat dinner in the living room?"

"Just this once?" He paused for just the right amount of time, then added, "Please?"

You sighed, defeated. "Just this once. Don't get used to it!"

We returned to the table and you brought to fresh glasses and a decanter. "Ready to taste the best apple cider you've ever had? I grow my own apples in the back yard."

"How could I say no to that?" You smiled, pouring us each a large glass. We sat there and ate and drank and were cordial, and that was good. Sometime later Henry put his dishes in the sink and you told him it was bedtime. He hugged you goodnight, and he hugged me too.

"Thank you Miss Swan."

I almost teared up as I said, "You're welcome," and he went to bed. You and I stayed up at the table, drinking more and more cider and talking about more and more things.

"Miss Swan, I very much appreciate you saving my son. He's all I have, you know."

"Do you mind if I ask about his father?" It seems like a personal question now, but the alcohol in the cider had lowered my inhibitions and loosened my lips.

"He died before Henry was born. His name was Daniel. He worked here in the stables. My parents didn't approve, but I loved him. We were engaged."

"What happened?" I asked, my heartbreaking for you.

"I was in labor with Henry, and my parents called him to let him know. He got in an accident on his way to the hospital. They said he died on impact. Didn't feel a thing." A single tear rolled down your cheek. "Henry's the one who suffers, you know? What happened today? That was because I'm too busy all the time. I'm trying to give him a good life, but it's hard to do alone."

"Hey, hey." I said, scooting closer to you a bit. I wiped the tear off your cheek. "You're doing the best you can with what you've got. He could have no parents at all, and instead he has you. That's a pretty big win, if you ask me."

You looked at me as if you'd never seen me before. "You're different, Miss Swan. Different from all these people in town. They seem to forget who I used to be. Before Daniel died. I wasn't always so mean and ruthless."

"Well, you are pretty mean and ruthless."

You laughed, and I smiled back at you, drinking more of my cider. "I don't mean to be. But people tend to walk all over weak women. I can't be weak."

"You're not weak. You're probably one of the strongest women I've ever met."

You kept looking at me. Your gaze was so intense, I almost felt uncomfortable. "May I call you Emma?"

"Only if I can call you Regina."

"Deal." You reached out and we shook hands on it, laughing. "Can I ask you something, Emma?"

"Shoot."

"You said you were adopted?"

My heart sunk. "Yes."

"What happened?"

"My parents died when I was young. It was a house fire. I was two. They don't know how the fire began, only that my mother was downstairs with me. She ran me out of the house to my neighbor, then ran back in to try and save my father. The second story collapsed with both of them inside. None of my other family members wanted me, so into the foster care system I went." I stared at the table, trying to contain the tears. These were old wounds, and they shouldn't hurt so much. You put your hand over mine on the table, and my stomach did backflips, though from the alcohol or your touch I couldn't tell.

"I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault. My parents really loved each other. They always did. They recovered some things from the house. My baby blanket my mother stitched that I was wrapped in, and my father's wedding ring." I pulled the necklace out of my shirt. "I always wear it here so I never forget what I lost. It's why I help people find what they've lost. I'm a bounty hunter to survive, but I'm a private investigator to live."

I looked up at you, meeting your eyes for the first time in a couple of minutes. I wasn't sure about the look you were giving me, but you reached into the front of your dress, grabbing a chain I hadn't seen before. "This was Daniel's engagement ring. I keep it to remind myself that he loved me, and he loved Henry." We looked at each other, bonded over our shared hurt. You never took your hand off mine, and I finished my glass. I couldn't remember if it was my fourth or fifth, but I knew I needed some liquid courage. We were only about a foot apart from each other, and I needed the bottom of that glass to cross that bridge. I sent up a silent prayer to whatever God most people believe in, and leaned forward, kissing you quickly on the lips. I leaned back a few inches, searching your face.

You didn't open your eyes at first, and I was terrified that I'd read everything wrong. That you weren't attracted to me. You opened your eyes and searched mine. "Why'd you do that?"

"I don't know. I just…I thought…you wanted me to."

"I did…I just don't I don't…"

"Don't what?"

"I've never with…a woman."

"Neither have I."

"Ever?" You asked, searching my face for a trace of a lie.

"Ever." Whatever you were looking for you seemed to have found, because you closed the space between us, kissing me back. I leaned back, pulling you with me until you were straddling me across the kitchen chair.

"You're not just doing this because I saved Henry are you?" I asked self-consciously between kisses.

"No. I think I wanted this as soon as I steamrolled you with a cup of coffee." You answered, smiling against my lips. After that there wasn't much talking. You led me upstairs to your room. The alcohol brought us there, but I remember every second of it. Every moan, every touch, every hand twisted into the sheets, losing the comforter onto the floor somewhere in the middle of the night. We figured it out together, and it had none of the awkwardness of first encounters. When we were both exhausted and the sun was threatening to rise over the clouds we finally collapsed. I pulled you to me, kissing you some more before we finally floated off into sleep, your face snuggled into my chin, my arms wrapped protectively around you. You sighed contentedly, and we both fell asleep.

We woke a few hours later. Too few if you'd have asked me. I woke first, and the clock on the bedside table said it was eight am. I groaned at the sun coming in the open curtains. You moved a bit, waking up in my arms. You opened your eyes and looked at me, startled. You lurched backwards a bit, out of my grasp. "You're still here?"

I tried to pretend that question hadn't hurt me. "Yeah, sorry, I can leave. I'll sneak out before Henry gets up." I started to sit up, trying to get up while getting covered. You moved back towards me, pulling me back down.

"That's not what I meant. I'm just surprised. I usually wake up alone, no matter what has happened the night before."

"Oh, so this happens often?" I goaded, trying to cover my hurt pride with jokes.

"_No_, Emma, but even a grown woman has needs." I didn't respond, but I didn't immediately stop you when you cuddled back up to me. My feelings weren't really hurt, but I was already worried. You hadn't kicked me out. What would you want from me? I couldn't ask either, so I just kept that to myself. You weren't treating the night before as if it'd been a drunken mistake, even though alcohol had played a big part in it. That made me more nervous than anything, so I bolted. I don't even remember the excuse I gave you that morning. I said something like I needed to get on the phone with my boss. The exact excuse didn't matter, but I hurried to put on my clothes and leave. "I'll call you later." I said out of habit, falling back into my one night stand ways. I passed Henry downstairs.

"Did you stay over?" I nodded. "I have friends stay over sometimes too. I'm glad my mom finally has a friend." His tone broke my heart, and I waved goodbye, grabbing my jacket and hurrying out the door. It wasn't until I was sitting in my car and pulling away from the house that I realized I didn't even have your phone number. I'm so sorry about that day Regina. I was afraid. I guess…honestly…I'm still afraid. I'm not just afraid, but that will always be a part of my life decisions. I'm afraid of you, but there are bigger things that scare me too. I'm so so sorry."

* * *

Sometimes I hate the Emma I write.


	5. Kilian's Killing

"You ever make a mistake Regina? You ever do something, and afterwards be like, 'What were you thinking?' And I'm not talking about what we did. I didn't regret that. Not exactly. I regretted the way I ran out. I spent that Sunday wandering listlessly around town. I'd actually decided that the next day I'd leave. I stopped at Granny's to eat, and saw that the convenience store next door was selling copies of the Sunday paper. There were pictures of us on the front with Henry and Graham. I looked at that picture for hours, wondering what to do. Should I apologize? I didn't have your phone number, so that would have required going to your house to do. Should I leave town? I had no idea, so I sat on it. I decided I'd go see you the next day and apologize.

I showed up at your office at noon, hoping it would be lunch time. I was right. "Hey Aurora, do you think I could see the Mayor?"

"I don't know. You don't have an appointment." She looked unsure, but she went to your door anyways, while I rolled my eyes. That girl and appointments. She was really getting on my nerves. "Madame Mayor, Miss Swan is here to see you."

"Did you tell her I'm having lunch with my son?"

"No ma'am."

"Well how about you do that." You snapped at the poor girl.

"I'm sorry Miss Swan, she's unavailable right now."

"Thanks." I walked out, dejected. I stood at the bottom of the stairs outside of Town Hall, trying to figure out what to do. My phone rang. I snapped it open. "Swan." There was no patience left in me for anyone.

"Miss Swan, good to hear your voice." A smooth, suave voice said slowly on the other line. "I wasn't sure if we'd ever get to speak."

I looked at the screen on my phone. The caller ID said James, but it definitely wasn't James' voice on the line. "Who is this?"

"Why Miss Swan, I'm offended. You don't know me? I certainly know you." I racked my brain, trying to figure out who it could be.

"Killian. Killian Jones." My blood ran cold. If Killian had James' phone, then something bad must have happened to James.

"Oh Swan, you flatter me."

"Where's James?"

"Well, I imagine right about now his body will be found in the hotel room he paid for Friday night. He thought that I could be trusted. Never trust a thief."

"He'll be found?"

"Oh yes. I even wrote an apology to the maid on the wall." He paused for effect. "In his blood."

"Where are you?" I asked, afraid.

"Well this is where the fun begins Swan. I'm in a nice little town. I didn't know Maine contained such beautiful people. That darling Mayor. Do you think she has something for that dashing Sheriff? I'm looking at this photo in the paper, and I feel like I can sense some history there. And you, you my darling look ravishing. This quaint little town suits you well." I could sense the smiling in his voice, and it made me sick. I spun around, looking to see if he was near me. I couldn't see anyone out of the ordinary, but I wouldn't have recognized everyone if I tried. "I can't wait to meet you in person. See you soon Miss Swan." The line clicked dead, and I ran back into your office. I didn't even look at Aurora, just charged in.

"Emma this is hardly appropriate!" You shouted at me, so angry you couldn't even call me 'Miss Swan.'

"Henry, I need to talk to your mom. Could you give us a minute?" He just looked between the two of us, set down his burger and walked towards me.

"Be nice to my mom. I think she likes you." He left the room, shutting the door behind him.

"What do you want, Miss Swan?" The temporary slip was gone, and we were back to formalities. "You were so eager to rush out yesterday morning. Why are you so eager to burst in today?" You folded your arms, and I was almost stopped by your cold anger coupled with your beauty. It was astonishing how someone could be so terrifying and so alluring at the same time.

I walked to you with the intent of putting my hands on your shoulder, but something in your eyes stopped me. "Regina." You seethed, but I repeated myself. "_Regina_, I am sorry, but there are bigger things happening here than a one night stand!"

"A one night stand? Is that what you're calling it!?" There was fire in your eyes.

"No! No! That wasn't-just…" I felt like my brain was being scrambled by your eyes. "Look! There's a dangerous man in Storybrooke."

"What?" Your eyes went to the door which Henry was no doubt waiting on the other side of, and I knew what you were thinking. "Who?"

"Let me show you." I pulled out my keychain, which contained my flashdrive. I didn't explain it to you at the time, but I always kept that flashdrive with me. I was always on the move, and I never knew when I would need to look at my files. So I kept everything electronically where I could call it up on anything. And it came in handy here. "May I?" I asked, gesturing at your computer. You waved your hand in a, 'couldn't care less' gesture, and I took the seat at your desk, bringing the files onto the screen. "His name is Killian Jones. I ended up out here when I got lost on my way to find him. He was apprehended by another bounty hunter, James."

"What's he doing here?"

"He killed James. And he came here to find me."

"So it's because of you? Then just leave."

"I can't."

"Why?"

Honestly Regina? Part of the reason I hadn't left was because of you. Something about you drew me here. Kept me here. But what I said to you was different. "He's seen you and Henry."

"What!?" Your arms uncrossed, dropping to your sides in surprise. "How?"

"He's here. He's somewhere in town and he saw the paper. He saw you, me, Graham, and Henry. He specifically mentioned you by name. I can't leave here, knowing he's got you in his sights."

"What do you care? Seeing as it was just a one-night stand and all."

I ignored your sarcasm. "He has to be found. We need to find Graham, and we need to get a plan in place." I cycled through the file on Killian. "See, this is out of character for him. He was a petty thief. Armed robbery, breaking and entering. He skipped out on bail, and that's why I was after him. But this…this doesn't fit. He's changed. It's a big leap from thievery to murder, and he's made it. It makes him unpredictable. There's no way we could know what he might do."

"That's kind of what unpredictable means." You snapped at me, and I knew making amends with you would be difficult. But even then I knew that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to fix things.

"Call Graham." I snapped back.

You looked at me pointedly, and I got out of your chair. You grudgingly pressed the button on the intercom. "Aurora, get me Graham on the phone. And send Henry back in."

The door opened, and Henry walked back in, looking cautious. He clearly read the tension on our faces. "Mom? What's wrong?"

"Graham on line one." Aurora's voice came through the intercom.

"Give me a second, Henry." You picked up the phone. "Graham, we need you in my office right now." You waited a second, then hung up.

Henry looked from you to me, waiting to be brought in on what was happening. "Mom? Emma? What's going on?"

"Well kid…" I paused, looking to you for guidance.

"There's a dangerous man out on the streets Henry. I just want to keep you close to me until we find him." I nodded in agreement with Regina.

"What kind of dangerous?"

"He hurts people Henry. And I'm worried he might hurt you."

"Why would he hurt me?" He asked, curious.

"He wouldn't. I just want to be careful." Graham came into the office a few minutes later.

"What's wrong? You sounded serious on the phone."

"It is serious." You looked at me. "Miss Swan, why don't you inform Graham of the scourge you've brought into this town?"

I rolled my eyes, and then told Graham everything, leaving out gory details. I knew Henry was still in the office, and I didn't want him to be too scared. Graham was immediately ready to leap into action. "Well to me it sounds like he's targeting you two, and possibly Henry. I can watch over you, but I need the three of you to stay together. Can you do that?"

You rolled your eyes. "Do you really think that's necessary?"

"Yes, I do. This man killed someone, and he has his sights on you. This is completely necessary. I don't want either of you alone during the day, and I don't want you separate at night. Your house is big enough Regina. You can handle a guest for a few days."

Shortly after that Graham left, and I made to make my exit.

"It seems, Miss Swan, you'll be my _guest_ for a few days." You sneered around the word guest, clearly implying that I was not anything close to a guest. Henry smiled behind your back. At least someone was excited about this arrangement. "Dinner's at six. Be at the house by then, or else don't show up." You looked down at your desk. "That will be all, Miss Swan."

I don't think I've ever been dismissed so clearly before. I went back to Granny's Inn, gathering my things, including the gun that I always kept clean, but safely wrapped. It seemed like for the next few days I would need to keep it close. I spent a lot of time in Granny's, scanning the faces of patrons. I wasn't exactly sure what Killian would look like. The picture I had of him was months old. He might have a beard, a mustache, longer hair, shorter hair. I didn't see anyone that resembled him, so I drove to your house. I was fifteen minutes early, doing my best not to anger you. It didn't seem to work. You looked tense when you opened the door. You didn't even greet me, simply turned and walked away. I shut and locked the door and hung up my own coat. "Hey Emma!" Henry called from the kitchen. "We're having chicken tonight!" I smiled at him while a pit of unease settled into the bottom of my stomach. Did I ever tell you how awkward that dinner was? Graham ate with us, and it was weird. He tried to talk in the beginning, but it seemed like he'd realized he was intruding on an uncomfortable situation, because even he and Henry gave up on conversation in the end. Finally, around ten at night, when Henry had gone to bed, Graham said goodnight.

"I'll be outside in my car. Set the alarm system. I'll keep an eye out overnight, and I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight ladies." He shut the door, and you locked it behind him, setting the alarm system by the door.

"So…." I began awkwardly.

"Goodnight, Miss Swan." You started to walk away from me. I caught your hand before you could get far.

"Regina…" You glared at my hand, making it clear I should let go of you. I sighed. "Look. I'm sorry about yesterday. I am. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or.." I paused, knowing that was the wrong choice of words.

"My feelings?" You stepped closer to me. "I am not some school girl who has her heart injured by the carelessness of some foolish child. My feelings are not hurt. I am not concerned about you, even a little bit." I don't know what overtook me then. Maybe it was the thinly veiled desperation. The way you tried to cover up the way you were feeling. I had hurt you, and I knew it. In a moment of panic I had hurt your feelings. I didn't know how to fix it, but I knew I had to try. So I did something stupid. I kissed you. I grabbed your face and pulled you towards me, hoping that I had strength in me, with or without alcohol. You didn't move. I pulled back, not letting go of you.

"Regina, I am sorry. I am very sorry. Sometimes…" You wouldn't meet my eyes, and I started to stammer, feeling the heat of embarrassment lighting up my cheeks. "S-sometimes I get scared. And it's like..like..every time I think that maybe sorta there's something good in front of me, I have to mess it up. I don't even know you. I don't even know what your deal is, but I think I want in." You finally looked up at me. "So please, just…don't be like this. Whatever the other night was, it was good. Dinner with you guys, whatever. Don't shut me out of that before I've even been there. Don't. Don't push me away. Give me time to make it up to you, in whatever way I can." I saw the emotions flash across your face, and I was afraid of where they would settle. I was afraid you would push me away, or shout at me, or curse me out, or something. But you didn't. Your shoulders sagged, and it was as if the mask you'd been wearing had fallen off. The hardness was gone from your face, and you were just vulnerable. Sad. Real. It was like you were going from the hard Mayor to a person right in front of my eyes. I kissed you again, and this time it was different. You were soft under me again. Your hands traveled to my waist, pulling me close and closing the space between us. We weren't fixing anything yet, but we were both willing to try.

We had that night together before the horrors of the morning. I know I don't need to remind you of what happened. But, I want to write it down anyways. Mostly for me. But partially for you."


	6. You're Waking Up

"The next morning we woke up next to each other. I rolled over, putting my arms around you and keeping you close. I try not to make the same mistake twice, and leaving you alone in the morning was a mistake I wouldn't make again. Or, that's what I thought at the time.

It was six am. I assumed that meant that soon we'd have to make sure Henry was up and ready for school. I had no idea about his school schedule, so I kissed you on the forehead, waking you up. "Hey." I murmured.

"Good morning." You answered back. Out of all the ways I've seen you, from your funeral best, to your Mayoral outfits, to completely naked, this was my favorite way. Those first few moments in the morning when you wake up, and you get your bearings, and you look at me and smile are my very favorite. I'm really sorry that I'll miss that this morning, but it can't be helped. I hope you'll understand why. That morning I asked you about Henry.

"What time should we wake up Henry for school?"

"Usually I wake Henry up at seven. Should we ask Graham if Henry can go to school? I doubt he'd object." I shrugged, and you slid out of my arms, sauntering naked to the window. I propped myself up on my elbow, watching you. "He's still out there. Not that I'm surprised. Graham takes his job very seriously. He's the best Sheriff this town has ever had." You came back to the bed, standing by the side of it and looking down at me. You smiled, and I reached over, pulling you back down to the bed and under the sheet with me. I've never been a cuddler. I've never been a playful lover. But I held you in my arms, kissing you gently. You smiled into my lips. "What are you doing?"

"Making the best of the hour we have." You rolled over on top of me, putting your head on my chest. I could feel you laughing. "What?"

"I don't know."

"What's funny?"

"I just feel giddy. I'm not sure why." I knew why. We were both starting something new. It'd been a while since either of us had allowed anyone in. I'm not sure what it was about us. I don't know what drew us together, but there we were. We had a brief bubble of happiness before everything exploded. At seven we got out of bed. You were gonna get in the shower. I told you I'd check with Graham, see if Henry was going to school. I went outside in your robe, knocked on the window to the cruiser, and he didn't answer. At first I smiled. I thought maybe he'd fallen asleep. I pulled the door open, and there was blood everywhere. I might have screamed, I might not have. I don't even think I shut the door to the car. I ran back in the house, pulling my gun from my bag and dialing 911. When the door closed you called from the top of the stairs, "Emma, what'd Graham say?" I could only imagine what my face looked like when you looked down the stairs at me. But it took one look before you came running down. "Emma, what is it?"

The operator picked up. "911, what's your emergency?"

"There's been a murder. Send help."

"What's your address?"

"Regina, give them the address." You took the phone from me without asking questions. You gave your address and hung up. You were calmly cool again.

"So Graham's…"

I nodded. "I don't think Henry should go to school today." I took my bag upstairs to get dressed before the cops could arrive. I heard you from upstairs. I heard the desperate sob that escaped you, and was no doubt followed by tears. And the guilt settled into me then. I had brought a killer into your town, and you were feeling pain because of it. I wasn't even sure if I should comfort you. I didn't know Graham, so I felt wrong intruding on your grief. It took me two minutes to get dressed and get downstairs, and by that point the cops were arriving. Henry made his appearance with a, "Mom, what's going on?" I talked to the state police. You talked to the state police. We tried to keep Henry away from everything, but I think he saw Graham from an upstairs window. He looked traumatized. The street was crawling with cops and ambulances and all day. Crime Scene investigators were around, gathering evidence and Graham's body. By the end of the day they'd taken his body away and towed his car. A state trooper and his partner had parked themselves in front of the house, hoping to assure our protection. And townspeople came by, leaving flowers and pictures of Graham and copies of the newspaper article. At night they lit candles that burned all night long.

Regina, I know you remember that day. I don't think either of us could forget it as long as we live. But, for the sake of this, I want to write down everything I remember about our time together. And this was a shitty time. But it happed, you know? Graham died trying to protect you and Henry. I mean, yes, he said me too, but you're the Mayor of his town. Mostly, it was about protecting you, and I knew that. And I put you and your son in danger. I did that. I bear the guilt for Graham's death, and some days it's more than I can handle. I haven't told you about this because I don't want to share the guilt. I want it alone. And I wish I could speak to Graham again. I wish I could apologize, or beg his forgiveness, or even take his place. I'm sorry, I've gone off on a tangent. And I wrote this in ink so…now you know how I felt that day. I'm sorry. You're starting to move a little Regina. It's getting light out. I hate to abbreviate this letter, but I can't risk you asking me what I'm doing. I need to hurry now.

The entire day you wore a brave face. The face of a Mayor. You made phone calls, found his family, asked them if they wanted to plan his funeral. If they could have it in Storybrooke, where he lived. I can't remember where Graham was from, but his entire family had his accent. I stayed with you and Henry that entire week. I sat next to you at the funeral. Most of the town didn't get all the details on Graham's death, so they didn't know I was to blame. But I knew. And you knew too. You never blamed me. But the guilt sits with me every day. When you smile at me, I feel it in my stomach. That guilt. You didn't cry at all through the funeral. You pretended not to be scared, not to be hurt. Henry cried a lot, but you were strong for him. But there were nights when I could hear Henry crying. When you would go to him, and come back to bed with your face wet. You tried to hide those tears from me, and I wanted to wipe them away. I was falling for you then, but it was all marred by the grief I'd brought you. Regina, you're strong. But you pretend to be too strong. You need to trust someone to care for you. I'm not that person, but I hope one day you will find that man or woman for you.

By the end of the week the cops were no longer parked on the street at night. They'd found James' phone on Graham's body, and they had no way to trace Killian. There had been no sightings of him, even with posters of his face on every telephone pole in Storybrooke. It was as if he'd vanished. The cops thought that maybe Killian had skipped town after killing Graham to avoid being arrested. I wasn't so sure, but they didn't take my opinion into consideration. With no leads, they couldn't stay anymore. There were 'more pressing cases' to be followed up on. We tried to go on with our lives, but I could see the way you were constantly checking over your shoulder. I started carrying my gun on my hip. We didn't talk about it, but we were worried, and I felt like I needed to do it. Henry became withdrawn. We were all scared, and we couldn't change anything. I started feeling constantly sick. I would throw up at the drop of a hat. I'd never been nervous before, but we agreed that I'd developed a nervous disorder that would go away when I relaxed. I hated being sick in front of you Regina, but I appreciate how you sat late nights and early mornings with me, holding my hair back and wiping the sweat from my forehead. I find comfort in you, but that's no surprise. I love you. I think you love me, but I know that I love you.

We started to relax by the end of the second week after Graham's murder. The tears didn't stop, and they haven't to this day. But mourning is a process, and it takes time. You'll get stronger, strong enough to be over Graham's death. That's not what I meant, exactly, but I'm struggling to find new words. It's difficult for me to keep writing this long. I'm not eloquent like you are. You'll get over me leaving too. Or maybe, maybe this won't be as traumatic for you as this is for me. And that's ok. That's better, actually. I hope this doesn't hurt you too much. Last week though, last week you said something to me that surprised me.

We were at the breakfast table, a place Henry was more than accustomed to me being at. "Morning Emma." He stumbled in, rubbing his eyes.

"Morning kid." I smiled at him. He sat and ate in silence, a habit he'd fallen into in the past few weeks. Everyone grieves in a different way, and Henry's choice of silence had left you with no choice but to send him to Dr. Hopper twice a week. It's still too soon to tell if it' working, but I hope Henry recovers.

You looked up at me over the paper. "You know, we still haven't filled the position of Sheriff." I nodded, wondering what the point was. "Several people have applied. If you'd like to stay in town for, a while, you could apply." You looked away from me, not meeting my eyes. I kind of grunted, not really an assent or a dissent, but my mind had launched into terrified circles. So far we'd been in a kind of relationship deadzone. We hadn't named what we were, and I could at any point leave if I'd liked. It wasn't something we talked about, but it wasn't something we purposefully avoided either. The conversation of stay or go hadn't come up yet. I'd been offered a bounty in the time I'd been with you, but it was three days after Graham' death, so I turned it down without telling you about it. But here you seemed to be giving me an invitation to stay.

Before you left for work I said, "I'll think about it." And I knew you knew what I was referring to. And I have thought about it. I couldn't tie myself here. I couldn't be bound to this town. This town so marred by the death of it's beloved Sheriff, and then to have me take over his position? I couldn't do it. And if I became Sheriff, where would I stay? Would I live with you permanently? Would I be your girlfriend? Would we have to talk about us, about what we are now? I'm afraid. And mostly I'm…

This is the end of this Regina. The end of my long goodbye. You've started to stir some more, so I know it's time to wrap this up, if I ever intend to leave. I wanted to make this letter longer, and spend more time explaining things, but if I stretched this out over several nights and days I don't know if I could bring myself to give it to you. I wish I could write down our laughs, our jokes. Henry's smiles. I wish I'd documented my time with you two, my pseudo family, but I didn't. I am sorry for that. But this is the end.

You might be getting to this part of the letter and feeling like you can't understand why I've left. Maybe you can't yet see why I've run. I have no illusions. I know what I'm doing. It's running. I want to leave before you get too serious. Before this letter, I hadn't told you I love you. And maybe you're surprised to read it. Maybe you're not. But you've never said that you love me. I've been basically living with you for the past month. There were some pretenses involved. It was a kind of pretending. You were offering me hospitality and warm meals. Maybe you were really hoping to groom me for the Sheriff's job. I remained in Storybrooke after Graham's death to make sure Killian hasn't come back for you or Henry. Or, that's what I told the townspeople who asked. But I feel like they know.

They know Regina. They know what we've been up to. They know that no matter what we do during the day, each night we retreat into the safety of each other's arms. But I can't offer you any safety. I brought a murderer to your town. I can't offer you the love you need. I've been feeling a pull in me to move on. Before you get hurt. Before you hurt me. Before I manage to destroy your career as Mayor. Who knows how the townspeople will react if we finally come out as a couple. We haven't, and it stresses me out. Henry knows, but he accepts it the way any child would. I'm so scared of what will happen, Regina. To me, to you. What if Killian comes back for me and I can't protect you? What if I wake up one morning and find you slaughtered like Graham? I've never been responsible for a death before Graham's, and I couldn't handle it if I lost you or Henry. So instead, I'm letting you go. Whatever this is between us, it has to stop. And…there's something else. I've been wondering, but two nights ago I took a test, and now I'm sure: I'm pregnant.

The night before I came into town, I was with a man. And a few nights before that, I was with a different one. And so on, and so forth. I'm a wanderer. Commitment isn't something I was ever interested in. Somewhere along the line, I made a mistake. Regina, I didn't know when I met you. I didn't even suspect. But there have been signs the past few weeks that I couldn't ignore. I don't know if you're angry with me, but I hope you aren't. I won't force you to raise a strange man's child. I couldn't find this baby's father, even if I wanted to. And I won't push you into the awkward situation where I tell you I'm pregnant and you gracefully withdraw yourself from whatever we're in. We're both adults, and we can handle ourselves. You can go back to the way your life was before, when you were a Mayor and you were in charge of your town. I won't be here to distract you. Hopefully Henry doesn't crawl into anymore mines. I'm gonna go have this baby…and I'm gonna search for Killian.

Regina, this is a goodbye, but I will never forget you. You changed me. And while I search for Killian, and hunt that bastard down like the dog he is, I want you t know I'm doing it for you. I don't want him to ever show up here again. I couldn't live with the idea that he could hurt you. I can't even consider the fact that his being alive puts you and Henry in danger. So I will find him, and I will make sure he gets arrested, or he dies. One way or another, you and Henry will be safe. I just want you to know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for coming into your life. I'm sorry for Graham. I'm sorry for falling in love with you. For making my way into your life. And I'm sorry to leave, but I think it's what's best. I've always been a runner, and it's time for me to run again. I love you more than anyone I've ever known. I love you. I love you. God, it feels so good to keep writing those words down in ink. I love you, and I will miss you. Live well and be safe.

Love,

Emma."

Regina dropped the letter onto her bedside table, wondering how she couldn't have seen the urge to flee in Emma's eyes. When she'd kissed her at night, when she'd held her close, or locked eyes with her across the dinner table. Her head pounded, making it difficult for her to understand what that letter was saying. Emma had run. She was gone, and Regina knew it was true, could sense it in the empty space next to her. She rolled over, pulling the pillow Emma had been using closer to her. It still smelled of Emma, and a the tears rolled down her cheeks and onto Emma's pillow, Regina thought, _'I love you too Emma. I love you too.'_

* * *

So, that's the end. Sorry guys. Emma did leave. I'm considering a sequel, but it would be in a completely different form. Eh. We'll see. What'd you think? Did you hate it? Personally...I hate it. I don't know if I even have the soul left to sequel this.


End file.
